🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?